What do you see when you look at me?
New book alert. …And I Blinked
You are not alone; have you eaten; how are you; that’s life. Ok cut it out. There is nothing you can say or do when you lose a parent. Whether it’s to a disease, drugs,a shooting or old age. There is nothing to say other than, I’m here, when you’re ready. Now mind you when I lost my MOTHER, it broke something inside of me that I forgot was there. Something that would never be fixed. That bond that we shared when I was in her belly. That bond we shared when she first saw me. Although the bond is forever, it hurts like hell that I won’t get to see her on this side again. See my mother was one of a kind. I think mom’s are unique to their babies. Did my mom know that I love her, yes! Did I know she loved me I grew to know it, but that isn’t the issue. The issue is as a daughter you don’t think about the day your mother leaves, you have this underlined hope that she will live forever. Even if y’all don’t speak everyday, it’s mom she’s untouchable. Your mom is your superhero and superheroes don’t get defeated. They can’t tap out. As a mom, I try to show my son that it’s not always strength in numbers, there is strength in GOD. There is a comfort in GOD. And so I see now that my mom found her strength and her comfort, because she is with GOD. Our Father!
Why I will probably never get married and why does it cause tears and a sinking feeling in my heart. For some reason, I’ve wanted to be in a marriage for a long time and nothing! I want it too bad and I know it. I see people with their spouse and it brings tears to my eyes. Not because im sad for them, it’s because im sad for me. For a while I thought maybe I was being punished for some reason. Thought that since I wasn’t raised by either parent no one would want me, because it felt like they didnt. It’s funny how you can do everything you think a wife would do and still you’re not a wife. Some people don’t want to be married, as for me, I do. I want a healthy marriage with the man I love or will soon love. I am starting to lose hope. I have now set a year to stop focusing on it. When I’m 40. I’m so exhausted at the idea of wanting someone to fall in love with only me and me be in love with them the same way. Guess I have a Marriage time clock.