It STARTS with us

Are we having the conversations about what not being excepted in the world means based off the color of our skin or are we complaining. In my own opinion, it seems like we need to have the talk, and come up with a solution. Most black people are raised, where you don’t speak unless spoken to, but then we are contradicted to speak when we enter someone’s homes even if they don’t speak. Never will I condone what happened or why it was okay to put a knee on a person’s throat until they were no longer. The question is  what made this incident different. Why did this one hit home so much? There was another person a few years ago that died the same way and alot of people who were killed and there were no world protest. I do get that people are tired, but breaking into a store will not give you energy. The big corporations that were broken into, I hope you know you made them richer. All they will do is cash in on their insurance policies or the presidential office will send relief. Alot of the rioting had nothing to do with the protest or the fact that an innocent person lost their life. It is sad to think that a person’s skin color can be considered a weapon, like we pushed a button on the way out of our mothers. Understand we have no control of what we were blessed to look like. If you have an issue take that up with GOD. You go to the father with that , not the children. Let’s teach our children that their is a better way. Teach them to make a positive difference and survive.

Sometimes

Sometimes, don’t you want to just knock on the Bible and get an answer from GOD? Sometimes doesn’t it seem like praying doesn’t seem to get the job done when you want it done. Sometimes, doesn’t it seem like no one hears you or understands what you are going through. No One is alone in feeling this way. Life can turn upside down in a second and you are left holding your chest gasping for air. Not knowing what to do or who to turn to, it gets hard to phone a friend or even pray. Your faith has escaped you and you are looking every where trying to find it. Any friendly words that are given to you, sends you in a different mind set as to say, what do you know, you are not going through this. Trying to climb your way out of the misery and the feeling of defeat. Trying to find that one thing that ensures you that everything will be great.

My Mother

You are not alone; have you eaten; how are you; that’s life. Ok cut it out. There is nothing you can say or do when you lose a parent. Whether it’s to a disease, drugs,a shooting or old age. There is nothing to say other than, I’m here, when you’re ready. Now mind you when I lost my MOTHER, it broke something inside of me that I forgot was there. Something that would never be fixed. That bond that we shared when I was in her belly. That bond we shared when she first saw me. Although the bond is forever, it hurts like hell that I won’t get to see her on this side again. See my mother was one of a kind. I think mom’s are unique to their babies. Did my mom know that I love her, yes! Did I know she loved me I grew to know it, but that isn’t the issue. The issue is as a daughter you don’t think about the day your mother leaves, you have this underlined hope that she will live forever. Even if y’all don’t speak everyday, it’s mom she’s untouchable. Your mom is your superhero and superheroes don’t get defeated. They can’t tap out. As a mom, I try to show my son that it’s not always strength in numbers, there is strength in GOD. There is a comfort in GOD. And so I see now that my mom found her strength and her comfort, because she is with GOD. Our Father!

Marriage Time Clock

Why I will probably never get married and why does it cause tears and a sinking feeling in my heart. For some reason, I’ve wanted to be in a marriage for a long time and nothing! I want it too bad and I know it. I see people with their spouse and it brings tears to my eyes. Not because im sad for them, it’s because im sad for me. For a while I thought maybe I was being punished for some reason. Thought that since I wasn’t raised by either parent no one would want me, because it felt like they didnt. It’s funny how you can do everything you think a wife would do and still you’re not a wife. Some people don’t want to be married, as for me, I do. I want a healthy marriage with the man I love or will soon love. I am starting to lose hope. I have now set a year to stop focusing on it. When I’m 40. I’m so exhausted at the idea of wanting someone to fall in love with only me and me be in love with them the same way. Guess I have a Marriage time clock.

Hard Days

When you’re a mother, you try to fix any and everything when it comes to your child. You pray a mile a minute, when your child is not feeling 100%. You are their biggest cheerleader when they are in performance mode. BUT! When it comes down to stepping a side and letting GOD take it, you don’t know what to do. See some of this stuff is not getting better, not because of GOD. It’s because of us. You’ve done it all, now step back and watch the healer. Watch your parent (GOD) step in and take care of the situation. Yes Father GOD, I will surrender to your Will. Yes LORD, I ask you for the strength and wisdom to release my worries on to you. I TRUST you Father GOD. You have taken care of me and now our child.